2007-09-08, 11:39 PM — Madeleine L'Engle
Madeleine L'Engle has died.
This is actually a rather momentous occasion for me, in that "A Wrinkle in Time" was one of the first novels I ever read, and certainly one of the most memorable. I still have a copy of it floating around somewhere, and I love it.
But to be honest, it was "A Ring of Endless Light" that has always meant more to me. I picked up a copy of it second hand somewhere, I don't even remember where anymore. And I have read it so many times at this point that I have parts of it memorized. It used to be that I wouldn't go anywhere -- anywhere -- without it. It was my travelling book. I only stopped doing that a couple of years ago, when my copy started to fall apart.
The first time I read it I was almost Vicky's age (the lead character) and so it spoke to me for that reason. She was grappling with big things, and in some ways I was Vicky and in some ways I wished I was Vicky. I really, really empathized with her. As I got older, I felt for her, but things were different for me. Now it was the poetry in the book, and the luminous quality of the hope that L'Engle expressed in the book that really hit home.
I think I need to read it again, really. The hope that I used to get from it has sort of diminshed over the years, and I need a little help, I think.
Let's put it this way. I'm not a religious person. I'm not sure what I believe in, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't fall into any particular religious category. But I think that L'Engle's view of religion, or Vicky's perhaps, has been closest to my heart for a number of years. She is one of the few authors I am able to read without flinching when she mentions anything religious at all. I even really enjoyed "Many Waters" which is one of the more Bible-related books I've ever read.
Anyway. I'm not sure she got it right, or even more right than anyone else. But I like her light-filled interpretation of the world and I am sorry she's gone.
2007-08-25, 08:51 AM — love/hate/change
Done work for the summer. I have to say, I'm a little astonished at how sad I was to finish this year. I don't remember being this sad last year. I think part of it is because I'm moving on... I mean, not completely; I'm intending to still do some work there, but I'm not going to be looking at that as my only option for spending time out of the house. My main focus is becoming school. And that is strange and a little sad for me.
I know it will be good and I keep telling myself that. There's lots I'm looking forward to. But I am a creature of habit and sticking to my loyalties and I'm not happy with change. Change feels weird and unhappy.
On the other hand, I spent much of last night thinking about/dreaming about camp and kids and coworkers, and I'm not going to be missing any of that. I wonder if I need a job I find less engaging during my waking hours just so that I can get a break at night.
2007-08-18, 08:59 AM — my plants
Today is a relaxing day. After a week of ... well, I want to say hell, except that it wasn't really; it was mostly fun, but it was so so so busy.
My birthday being this past week has conspired with a week that somehow has made me feel a lot older and more tired. Everything seems long and complicated. The interesting thing here is that I'm not actually feeling depressed at this realization. I'm rolling with it. And I wonder if that is part of being older, too.
***
I finished setting up the downstairs tank and redoing the upstairs tank. The two plecos seem to be getting along now, although Rocky (the newer one) got a bit beat up in the transition. Little John rules the roost, which I wouldn't have expected from him, being such a gentle and docile creature with the smaller fish he's always lived with. However, Rocky hasn't had any injuries since the initial day, so I figure that they've come to an agreement.
The upstairs tank makes me grin every time I look at it, which is often, since it's sitting right beside me here. I added enriched substrate for the plants, got the light I wanted, and planted many dollars worth of plants. It looks awesome. I've added two pearl gouramis to the setup. They're tiny right now, but they'll grow. Considering the way they've been eating I suspect they'll grow a fair bit. They're really lovely fish and quite active and entertaining. I have to add some oto cats to the setup to clear out some of the algae that's starting to grow, and I may still add an apple snail, but that will be it for tank inhabitants, I've decided. I want the plants to grow.
And now, I think I'll go water my outdoor plants, which need it, even though it's supposed to rain tomorrow. I've harvested tomatoes big and small, and hot peppers, and green beans, and shallots and onions so far this year. There are sweet peppers galore on their way, so I'm hoping the weather holds warm for another couple of weeks to give the peppers time to ripen. I love having a garden. I've also ordered the fall bulbs and perennials to plant, so that will be good too. They come in September.